Saturday, July 20, 2013

Why the Tigers Shouldn't Trade For Your Reliever


It's a well-known fact that Dave Dombrowski is trolling around for a reliever at the deadline. It could be a closer; it could be a 7th inning guy; heck, it could be a new and better Phil Coke. However, every option you can think of stinks.


Tim Lincecum- Sure, a two-time Cy Young winner wants to move back to the bullpen. Oh wait, he doesn't. Besides, why would Detroit add $8 million in payroll AND pay in prospects?

Jonathan Papelbon- Paying Martinez-type money for a guy who pitches 70 innings a year with declining peripherals? Nope.

Francisco Rodriguez- He's pitched well so far, but the sample size is still small for his season. Valverde was good at first, too.

John Axford- Yes, let's trade for a guy who was so awful he lost the closing job by Memorial Day. He'll really lock down that back end.

Tom Gorzellany- He's not good enough to start, but nobody in Milwaukee wants him setting up. Swingmen and long relievers do not scream "Bullpen Savior" to me.

Casey Janssen- He's not available. The Blue Jays would be dumb to trade him. I could see the same going for Sergio Santos and Brett Cecil.

Steve Delabar- This clown couldn't find the strike zone earlier this year. Excuse me for not buying four starts worth of good over that underlying bad.

Glenn Perkins- Minnesota won't trade him for less than Castellanos. Yeech.

Jesse Crain- Jesse Crain is a White Sock. Jesse Crain served up a walkoff home run to Miguel Cabrera in 2011. Not only would trading for Jesse Crain ruin any future "Crainwreck" jokes, it would also deny us a valuable oppurtunity to say "CRAM IT HAWK."

Brandon Lyon- If you've been DFA'ed by the Mets, I won't touch you with a 29 and a half foot pole.

Bobby Parnell- The Tigers don't really need another righty who throws really hard and has issues finding the strike zone. Brayan Villarreal is still in Toledo.

Jose Veras- Of course his stats look good. He's the closer for the Astros. He's appeared in about 8 games this season.

Steve Cishek- Same as Veras, with half of the oppurtunities.

Ryan Webb- Does Detroit really need another pitcher who doesn't fare well against opposite-handers? One Phil Coke is enough for a bullpen. Actually, it's one too many.

James Russell- If I haven't heard of James Russell, he can't be all that good. On top of that, he would bring the losing stink from the Cubs and will another 60 years without a title.

Clearly, from what we've seen, the relief market sucks. Detroit can either pony up for Luke Gregerson, or they can do my personal preference and make Don Kelly the new ROOGY.

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