Saturday, August 3, 2013

All of the Joses Leave Toledo

The Toledo Mud Hens are in a flux tonight due to the disappearance of three pitchers off of their roster: Jose Valverde, Jose Ortega, and Jose Alvarez. The sudden desertion of the players is believed to be connected to Detroit's trade for Jose Veras.
Brayan Villarreal stated to police and team executives that he believes his teammates misconstrued his words. Villarreal received notice of the trade shortly after eleven o'clock this morning while changing into uniform for an afternoon game. He claims that he muttered angrily that there would be yet another Jose to compete against for a roster spot.
In the right-hander's words: "As soon as I said this, I saw Papa Grande stiffen up three lockers down. He must have thought I said he was getting yet another roster shot. Anyways, Valverde immediately did a celebratory two-step, dropped his home uniform in the clogged-up toilet, and skipped out of the locker room in his hot dog jersey screaming "JOSE'S BACK!"
Jeremy Bonderman, after much prodding and the offer of pancakes, was able to confirm that Ortega packed up his belongings after Valverde's outburst. Nobody has been able to confirm whether or not Alvarez left in the same way, although Danny Worth believes he heard Alvarez mutter, "Take that, Phil Coke."
The Mud Hens, who were forced to skip Ortega's regularly scheduled inning, are unsure of what to do about the missing players. None of the three players could be contacted as of press time, but there were unconfirmed sightings of Valverde at a dance club in Washington, D.C. He, as well as the other missing players, seem to have failed to remember Detroit has a home series against the Nationals. It is believed Alvarez will not be back to Toledo in time for his start tomorrow night.
Dave Dombrowski and Bull Durham were unavailable for comment. However, when asked by reporters, Jim Leyland commented, "If Valverde's down here, we may as well see what he's got for another four or six weeks."